The Weekend

Maggie has finished her round of IV antibiotics and I had my reassessment meeting with Dr. T. The blunt truth is the antibiotics have not seemed to work. Maggie still has fevers and today told us her head hurt worse. Her basic demeanor was sicker - she was more lethargic and definitely cranky. During her IV she laid on me and almost fell asleep. Even Dr. T noted how pale and out of it she looked. His feeling is that the antibiotic has held the infection in check but not cleared it. The bacteria showed partial resistance to this medication and so they used a high dose. In the end the bacteria has seem to have won.

Dr. T has nothing left in his tool box to beat it. It is now up to the ENT to figure out exactly what is going on and how we get rid of it. The problem is the ENT is not in the office until Tuesday. So we are off antibiotics and hoping what she holds her until then. It is pretty scary knowing this big bacteria has pretty much taken over your kid's head and there is not much that can be done about it now. On Tuesday we will meet with Dr. Sprecher and he will exam her. Then he will make a decision and we have no clue exactly what that will be.

The whole situation is now a waiting game. It is many prayers that the infection stays status quo and doesn't get worse. I have directions on what to do if the fevers spike high or she gets progressively worse over the weekend. It is pretty simple - call Dr. T! Dr. T felt horrible that he did not have a better option for us. He understood my concerns and heartbreak. Again, we are so lucky to have such a GREAT immunologist. He took so much time discussing the situation and trying to figure out if there was anything else he could do to hold her until Tuesday.

It is all a roller coaster of emotion. I have my fears, sadness and anger. Overall I feel this safety and strength. I wouldn't say it is a calmness but a quietness. It is allowing me to focus on the important stuff and stay right here in the moment. This quietness helps me to remember what is important and what I can put aside until later. I have a clarity, even through my exhaustion, about life and all that is happening. Usually in these situations I am a ball of fear and anxiety. I struggle to keep my sanity. Today I feel sane and safe. I am not saying it is not hard or trying but somehow it is okay. God is a miracle worker. He has blessed me with this quietness and strength. He is helping me walk through the moment and be the best Mom I can be. All the info, medicine, etc. will not matter as much as love, stability and tlc from me. So I am grateful that on my journey I have been able to build a my relationship with God. I am glad to have Him so central in my life. Without His love, strength and guidance this would be a much lonelier and scarier ride.