Anger

I am not even sure how or what to write today. I took Maggie to her ENT appointment this afternoon. She still had a fever last night of 100.5 degrees and complaining about her head. I looked forward to getting some resolution to this chronic crisis that has taken over Maggie's head. My nerves were on edge because both her immunologist and pediatrician had talked about how surgery or scoping might be a great idea to get an idea of what is happening. The surgery was put out there to try and resolve the whole chronic infection part. The less infections, the less need for antibiotics and the lack of choice of antibiotics was the core of the problem.

I was prepared with all the information, medicines and dates of the last month and a half. Dr. Sprecher walked in, sat down and bluntly said, "So what is the problem?" The conversation went down hill from there. He examined Maggie very quickly and saw her basic demeanor. In 15 minutes he decided she is perfectly healthy and there is no real concern. I was advised that at this point we need to continue to utilize the Nasonex and come back in 2 weeks for ANOTHER ct scan.

I, being me, had millions of questions. I was taken aback because his assessment seemed so different from both of Maggie's primary doctors. I asked about the culture and previous ct scan that Dr. T had worked from. I was advised that a child with just a cold could present a ct scan like Maggie's scan. The cherry on top of the sundae was when he gave me a whole list of studies (which I remember nothing that he said) about giving people colds and this is how it presents. Finally, he told me that the nasal culture that Dr. T was useless. I will quote, "A normal, healthy child in daycare could get swabbed and come up with the same thing any day of the week." I can't repeat the words that went through my head at that moment. I brought up the long-term concern of to many infections and no antibiotics that work. I noted her primary immune deficiency. He barely answered and centered on the fact that maybe Maggie was pretending to be sick or maybe just has migraines.

So I left shaken and confused. I actually ran into Dr. T in the hall and told him quickly the diagnosis. He didn't sound to concerned but very busy. I processed this information and all I could think was, "Was I crazy? Did I make this up? Dr T did treat her so there must have been something right?" After talking to Rick, I made an appointment for Friday with Dr. T to discuss the situation and get the name of another ENT. I have a list of questions to go over with him about what has happened the past week or so. Until then, I will call her pediatrician about an appointment for the migraines and look into a 2nd opinion on my own.

I have no idea what is happening here with my kid. It is scary but in the end it was it is and I just have to do the best I can. I don't always understand how the immune issues effect things so I will have to ask the questions, prayer and try to make the best decisions I can. So now with all that has gone on I am so confused. It is time for a bath, some prayer and quiet mediation. And it will all probably look more clear in the morning - I hope!