Culture

The germs have returned! Maggie seemed on the mend until yesterday. Then the complaint of her sinuses hurting and a temp. A call to Dr T's was in order. Dr. T got us in actually before office hours this morning. He took a look at her and agreed my girl is definitely under the weather. There was a large amount of florescent, yellow gunk in her left nostril/sinus. So Dr. T took a culture and now we wait to see what kind of bacteria it is. After the results we can set up a game plan to treat whatever is growing and taking residence up there.

The medical part is taken care of and now to face up to the emotional part. Maggie is a wreck. She feels awful and cannot hold it together. I think she has spent a better part of the day crying and whining. I know it is because she feels horrible but it is driving me up the wall. It doesn't help that Ricks kept me up most of the night with his 2 year molars and a crazy obsession for Elmo. I am so exhausted physically, mentally and emotionally. I am at one of those moments where I don't feel like I have one bit of strength or energy. Dr. T said this is another big infection and so that means we could be in for a fight. Another round of battling with a sinus infection feels overwhelming.

It is time to look beyond me for the strength. I have no choice in the matter. Maggie relies on me to be her advocate and caregiver. I am her safe haven in the crazy moments of a medical crisis. In any battle against an infection, I am her rock who is there no matter what the outcome or scenario. She needs me so I have to put my baggage aside. A mediation book I read talks about taking the needed quiet time with God to reload. I need to make that a priority tonight. My nerves are frayed and I am exhausted. The mere bark of the dog across the street is sending my skin crawling so the constant needs of a teething 2 year old and sick 4 old are sending me to the funny farm.

Right now in my life I am carrying this burden on my own. I am the go-to-person around her for the kids and their medical needs. I have to be on my game and prepared to do whatever is needed. It is a huge responsibility but I am their Mom. I gladly will do what is needed for them medically and emotionally. I just have to get better at taking care of myself. I need more time and ways to refuel. I do have the most important gear in the machine for recharging the battery - faith. Life can be hard but I can do hard as long as I have God. Even in my darker moments, I truly believe I am where I need to be and somehow I will walk through. I just need to hold on and keep counting my blessings.