Saturday, May 21, 2011

Normalcy

Today I have tried to return us to a bit of normalcy. The beautiful weather helped me out because we could get out and play. Some fun time on our new swing and the always fun sand box. The kids ended up exhausted, muddy and happy. So the day was actually a good one and ended with dinner at Applebees with Grandma. I, of course, have yet to make the grocery store or organize dinners. At the end of the day we curled up, cuddled up and slowed down.

Now it is bedtime and we have gone back to Maggie's bed time routine. Stories and lights out in her own bed. She is struggling with some tears but exhausted so I think it won't take long. I actually just checked her because it got quiet and she is inches from sound sleep. I feel the transition back to routine might be hard but much needed for my sanity.

It is funny because this is one of those moments where our life is still crazy but the world goes on. I long for routine and normalcy but can only achieve it in small increments. It is all a part of having chronic medical concerns. Maggie is still sick, I am still doing my best to survive and find some balance and we are all just trying to figure it out.

I guess the hard part is while I am still stuck on this roller coaster, everyone else's life keeps moving on. I can't say I feel lonely because God is always there. I guess I just feel isolated the last couple of days. After this week I am to spent to pick up the phone but a part of me needs to let go. I know I should reach out but I usually don't get time until after 9 and I am done. I really just could use some time to unload. A few moments to spend just letting my guard down and not be the caretaker would do wonders.

Thank God for the other members of the PI group on facebook. They do understand what it means to deal on a consistent, chronic basis. They get the fears, hopes and heart break. The bonus is they also comprehend that these crisis can take more than a week. It may take 2 or more because of the immune issues (although this one feels like it is taking years). I just wish they were in the same area where I could actually do more than switch emails.

We have a long week or so ahead. I am hoping to at least grab a pedicure and maybe even a dinner to myself. A moment or two to breath. And then back to reality!

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