The Plan

Dr. T has a plan. It is not the plan I want or agree with but it is the best plan available to us. We are going to do our last round of antibiotics tomorrow and see the ENT on Tuesday. Maggie still has a fever and her head hurts in all the original spots. As Dr. T put it, clinically it is best for the ENT to see Maggie after she has been off the antibiotics for a couple of days. They want to see what the bacteria/infection does. I want my kid to feel better. There is a bit of disconnect in the "Plan".

I have spent all kinds of emotion on this situation. In the end, I can do nothing but express my concerns and follow doctor's orders. I trust Dr. T and his medical team enough to let it go and do what is directed. He doesn't feel the infection will do any serious harm or damage. He assured me that she won't feel well but she will be okay. I wanted to scream at him that if it were his kid would he continue to let him suffer in pain. It breaks my heart when she struggles or breaks down. Or just knowing how much her head hurts. How can I agree to let it go for a couple of days just because it is "clinically" the best decision?

Maggie is a trooper and has a seemingly high threshold of pain. She amazes me daily with her strength and ability to power through. If my sinuses looked like hers, I would be laying in bed with a washcloth on my forehead and moaning in pain. Maggie is up trying to do all her normal activities. She is laughing and smiling. She plays with her brother, friends and even on her own.

Of course at the end of the day she crashes. This is not a pretty sight. It is full of tears and sadness. It breaks my heart over and over again. Sometimes she makes it through school or a play date just fine. But when she has expended all her energy and feels the safety of her Mom - it is meltdown city. We have had temper tantrums of epic proportions and lots of screaming. Rick and I work hard to keep the limits and expectations constant. It is consistency that, I believe, helps her to feel safe. Maggie knows that rain or shine, sick or well, whatever is going on we don't bend or fold. Our rules keep her safe and loved. I was a bit worried about our choice to stay tough. The pediatrician listened to my concerns and supported/encouraged what we were doing.

It has been an awful week for my baby. I laid with her tonight and cuddled her close wishing for a quick and painless end. I don't think I will get that wish. So that means more strength and love is needed. Thank God for all the love, support and guidance that is available to help me be the Momma she needs. I am so blessed that I don't have to deal with this alone. No matter what the "plan", it is all okay.