Tonight

I am sitting here on my bed with Maggie curled up on my lap. It is almost impossible to type but I feel the need to document the happenings of the day. After consistently beating down the door, I finally got an answer from Dr. T's office about Maggie's culture. The ONLY antibiotic that was NOT resistant to the bacteria they cultured was the one they used for her IV's. GREAT!!!

I continued to push and pester because she keeps telling me that she feels worse. The headache is now all over her head. The medical assistant said Dr. T wasn't sure what he was going to do yet. I was frustrated because who wants to sit back and watch her little baby feel so cruddy. About an hour later we got a call back from the doctor's office. Dr. T wants a ct scan of the sinuses.

Tomorrow morning at 10:30 we get Maggie's 2nd sinus ct scan. We immediately head upstairs to Dr. T and find out what the plan is. I am scared to death for Maggie and about the situation. I hate to think she will have to face her biggest fear - IV's. Not to mention, I hate the thought of having to walk through that craziness again. The biggest fear I have is that the ONLY antibiotic that could touch this bacteria is a big gun one which needs to be done intravenously. Is this a long-term concern? Will this be a reality for her for the rest of her life? How scarey is it to think that she is 4 and is encountering this situation?

I am trying to be positive and stay in the moment. It was helpful to curl up with her tonight as she fell asleep. I will be honest and admit that I have spent more than a few minutes staring at her gorgeous face. I have given her countless kisses and caressed her little head. It breaks my heart that my baby girl is going through this again. It is at these moments the anger breaks through a little and I hate her pi. Each moment of anger or sadness, I try to remind myself of faith and serenity, Sometimes it works and sometimes it falls flat.

No matter what the morning brings, I will hold her tight and love her with all I have. I will be present and strong for her and with her. I just wish it would come and we could get it over with.