Overload

I just finished filling out a huge pile of paperwork for Maggie's appointment with the neurologist tomorrow. It is these moments when I have to organize, list and sort through the past year or so of our life that I get overwhelmed. I had to answer a huge list of questions about Maggie from in utero until present. I am reminded of how sick she has been and our journey the past year. It always amazes me how much she has gone through in such a short time. Most importantly, I always come away feeling grateful for the huge list of blessings I am reminded of.

I am a bit scared about the appointment. It is another specialist who will have a huge list of questions. Plus the basic exam and possible tests she will want to run. I just want to get this next step over with so we can move on. Poor Maggie struggles every day with her head hurting. It exhausts her but she still keeps on with her spunk and sparkle. The edges are starting to fray a bit and she is showing signs of the stress. The child who never naps is now sleeping during quiet time. There are a few more temper tantrums and a struggle with separating from Mom. I have spoken with her pediatrician and the developmental pediatrician for reassurance and advice. Both have shared some great ideas and empathized that the kid is going through a rough time. Sooner or later she is going to show it in some way.

Ricks is having his own medical struggles. He has been experiencing red/inflamed ears. They are pretty painful. It has caused him to lay on the floor holding his ears and rolling around in pain. There is no consoling him. We have to somehow get ibuprofen in him and wait until it takes effect. I can't seem to put rhyme or reason to why this is happening. So off to guess who to try and figure it out? If you guessed Dr. T you are right on the button.

I made an appointment with Dr. T for June 17th a couple of weeks ago when I wasn't so worried. I called today to move it up and am waiting for a call back. I am worried that Ricks has an autoimmune disorder and that is why he has the red ears and the pain. I am not sure what it all means and have tried not to read on the internet. I am scared and praying. It is hard because Maggie's medical issues are always so large and demanding. It feels as if Ricks gets pushed to the back. I joke that he suffers from "second child syndrome" I just get so tired of taking Maggie to the doctor and managing her issues that I don't jump on his as fast. I probably should have acted faster and not waited until his 3rd episode to get him in sooner. But I can only do what I can do.

So now we do the next right thing with Maggie and the neurologist. I take Ricks in to see Dr. T as soon as possible to start figuring out what is happening with him. And hopefully I get to the salon soon for my pedicure and maybe even a massage. I just keep praying and staying in the moment. It is days like these that the fear can overtake me and I feel like I can't breath. It is like my heart is in my chest and my world is spinning. But tonight I feel overloaded but safe in the knowledge that God is present. All I need to do is the next right thing and it will all turn out as it should. Now to just keep myself organized and remember all the paperwork!