Autoimmune

I don't even where to start tonight. I wasn't even sure if I wanted to blog but it always seems to help. Ricks went to Dr. T today for his "red ear" issue. When we went before it was mentioned that it could be an autoimmune disease. Today after further discussion and an exam, Dr. T is feeling it is most likely an autoimmune disease. He rattled off some name and in the past I would have written down for research later. Right now I will just go with his explanation of what "may" be happening. Ricks' immune system may be attacking the cartilage in his body, more specifically his ears.

I am overwhelmed in so many ways. How do you process that your 2 year old's immune system is basically attacking his body? I can't even begin to think of what all of this "could" mean in the future. I will put that aside until we have further information. Selfishly, my gut felt as if I had been punched in the stomach. This is one more thing I have to learn about, manage and parent through. It is one more doctor/specialist I need to communicate with and more medicine to dispense. Some days I wonder how I can do what I do now? How do I continue to manage it all now? So the thought of adding on more condition and all it brings sends me into overdrive?

The best part is Maggie's favorite nurse, Nicole, asked how Mags was. Dr. T overheard me saying she is struggling and feeling worse. My feeling it is because she is no longer on a consistent regime of ibuprofen. The Tyenol I have been giving her has been useless and she is feeling the pain. I told Dr. T I am not sure it is even worth it to bring her back to him because there is not much more he can do. He agreed and said her next stop is the ENT. At the same time, I could see his mind working over the information on the ibuprofen. He told me that if Ricks' blood test show an autoimmune concern, we need to test Maggie. After all this time, it could be because of an autoimmune? One more option and hope we may figure out how to get rid of her crazy head pain!

I forgot to mention what we are doing about this autoimmune issue. Today we went from Dr. T to the lab so Ricks' could give 3 vials of blood. The results come back in a week and we meet with Dr. T on Tuesday. If there is a concern, we head to a rheumatologist to find out the next step. There is nothing I can do at the moment. I have taken all the needed steps and we wait for the answers. I am still going a bit crazy and feeling a bit scared. The emotions in my heart are hitting my stomach and sticking in my throat. It feels a bit big to have 2 kids (actually my 2 babies) with some pretty big medical questions out there.

Thank God for His strength and presence. I just trying to be and know in my heart He has my back. He is holding us all in the palm of His hand. I don't need to worry but to have faith that it will all turn out as it will. Even if we get the worst news possible, God will be there to walk us through. The key to serenity is not to worry about the future and all the what ifs. They will come in time. I have to just stay in the present and chose life. I can't control the tests or the outcomes but I can live my life with gratitude for the blessings and gifts. My kids may have major medical concerns or procedures on the horizon but for today I will just love them up. All of that "stuff" is not as important as providing them a happy and stable family. Let go and let God as they say! Tonight I do my basic retreat when we get medical news that throws me for a loop - a bath, some prayer/mediation and a good night's sleep. Tomorrow I enjoy a day full of playing and laughing with these 2 amazing kids God blessed me with : )