Behind the 8 Ball

This morning I was feeling so overloaded with the to do list. I had so much I felt should be done and organized but so little of it done. It all started with a jolt when Maggie woke me up and I realized I forgot to set the alarm. We raced to get ready for gymnastic's camp which means A LOT of nagging. Plus Rick advised me at 8:45 that he forgot he had to meet his Marketing group at 10 so he had to leave by 9. This meant Ricks had to be fed and changed to take Maggie to gymnastic's camp. I barely had time to brush my hair before it was time to jump in the car.

I walked in and saw all these Moms who "appeared" to be so much more together. Maggie had a bit of an anxiety attack due to her separation issues. She has been struggling the past month on saying goodbye. It seems to be related to all the medical stuff going on and we are doing our best to support and deal. While trying to be as patient as possible and get her in to camp, Ricks pushes a little 18 month old girl. I didn't notice until I saw the other Mom reprimanding him. I felt a bit embarrassed and quickly did my best to discipline him. Ricks did not seem to care and I was frazzled.

I got home with plans for cleaning and a nice shower. Instead I got a phone call that lead to another phone call and before I knew it was 10:45. I wanted to spend some time playing with Ricks and had to feed him lunch. Soon enough it was time to pick Maggie up. I hadn't showered or changed or got any of my cleaning done. I walked into the lobby and looked around at all the other Moms. I felt pretty yucks next to most of them. I knew they were all looking at my crazy boy and felt sorry for this Mom who couldn't even find a moment for a quick shower. Yes I was a bit paranoid and crazy!

All of that craziness because I am struggling with the basics around here of housekeeping. I may not be "put together" when I walk out the door some days. I have clean laundry piled up in the hallway and dirty dishes in my sink. You think I would have worked on it during nap time. But the truth is I was exhausted so I ate lunch and laid down on the couch. Then we had a playdate with friends, dinner and a visit from some out of town family. Finally the kids went to bed and I had some other things to do. Rick and I actually spent some time talking. It wasn't about finances, medical stuff, his school or the basics of running our house. It was a great conversation about our relationship, our present, future and love. We have struggled at some points with all the stress going on and it was nice to connect.

In the end I doubt my kids will remember the laundry baskets lining the hallway. Or that the dishes took until dinner to get cleaned. What they will remember is the time and the memories we made. I hope Maggie remembers the love and support I gave her to go in to gymnastic's camp when the anxiety seemed to take over. I hope Ricks remembers the 1/2 hour spent playing cars. That is what I want my kids to think back and hold onto. I want them to feel the love and warmth of the memories we make together. The other stuff will be there in the morning!