There is a lot going through my head tonight. It was a busy day but the end turned out nice with a program at Vacation Bible School. I stepped out of my role as teacher for a few seconds and put on the Mommy hat. My eyes welled up a tiny bit as I watched my big girl up there singing away. It still leaves me breathless that this amazing girl is mine.
Tonight I put Maggie to bed and she wasn't listening. I reprimanded her on her about the situation. She told me, "Mommy I don't think my ears are working. I can see your lips moving but I don't hear your words." Alrighty then!!! I tried not to laugh and finished reminding her that she needed to listen to her Mommy. In my book that is pretty ingenious!!!
We went on to have our little VBS/God discussion. This seems to be a nightly thing this week. It warms my heart to hear how much she loves God and all the questions she has about Him. There is this magical awe she has whenever she starts to talk about God. It is the innocence of a child and I hope she can hold to even a small sliver of this throughout her life.
Now for the stress part of my day. The immunologist wants us to meet with him about what has been happening with her. Dr. T has talked to all the other doctors involved and wants to check back with us. I am so nervous that they are going to tell us to keep doing what we are doing. Here I have a 4 year old with constant head pain for the past 2 months so I don't want to hear wait and see. I want answers or a resolution. I don't want her to have to have surgery but I want her to one day this summer feel 100%. It seems like that will never happen for my girl. Plus I remembered she had blood work taken so the results of that should be in. I always hate the process of getting the results back. It makes me worry that they will tell us something is worse or there is something new.
My stomach is in knots and I am emotionally charged. I was supposed to take Ricks to Dr. T tomorrow but after conferring with Rick we made a change. We both feel we have to handle Maggie's concern first because it is more pressing. Ricks can wait a couple of weeks before we take him in. I have to finish up so I can head up to bed. I need to do my prayer and mediation. I keep reminding myself to hand it over to God. I tell myself He has it covered. Stay in the present. Worry about tomorrow when it is tomorrow. All of those sayings that help me stay sane are running through my head. I will just hold on to my prayers and faith even as the fears wash over me. I know that the water may be choppy but my life preserver is strong and will hold me.
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