The New Plan

We had Maggie's appointment with Dr. T this afternoon. I was nervous and concerned last night. My stomach was doing flips like it was Maggie in gymnastics class. My mind was full of all the "what ifs" and anxiety of the unknown. In the quiet of the night (after all little people were sound asleep and my husband studying) I read my mediation book. I quieted my mind and heart to just breath. My mind began to quiet and my fears settled down. I remembered one of my biggest tools - stay in the present. So I visualized myself putting my box of "worries" into a box and handed it over to God. I asked Him to keep them until the appointment tomorrow. I told God that if He felt I needed them, He could give them back then. Within minutes I was snoozing away.

Today was a busy and joyful day. It was the last day of Vacation Bible School and we had a lot to celebrate. Overall, it was a great week and I think everyone got a lot out of it. I loved the messages it taught Maggie:
1. God made you
2. God listens to you
3. God watches over you
4. God loves you no matter what
5. God gives good gifts
These are all important things I want her to hold on to. They are great for the rainy days when she feels under the weather or has to go through one more medical procedure. I love the 3rd point for her. I told her tonight that God is holding her in the palm of His hand until she feels better. It is funny how with all she is going through, these lessons just fell in place. Maggie took to them like a fish in water. We have had a lot of good talks about each one in the past week.

I met some great people in our faith community. My helpers were awesome! One of them is going to babysit for the kids. Another told me that if she volunteers next summer she is requesting to work with me. She was a sweet 8th grader who was so willing to do whatever I asked. Even though I griped about a 5 day early wake up and some craziness earlier in the week, I am so happy I volunteered.

I came home, fed Ricks lunch and we all laid down for a nap. I didn't even really think of the appointment until we were driving on our way. I got a great email from another zebra mom which was so supportive and helpful. The anxiety had disappeared and been replaced by an openness to what Dr. T was going to say. There was a calmness while we waited and some silliness too!

Dr. T checked Maggie out and explained all the information from the other doctors. At this time, there is no guarantee on how much sinus surgery will help Maggie. The ENT wants to make sure we have exhausted every last medical option before we take the major step of sinus surgery. So Dr. T switched up the nasal steroid Maggie is on and added Singulair. This is in the hope that the new medicine will resolve the issue. We give it a month and go back to the ENT for a reassessment. And of course if she gets sick or feels worse we dial up our favorite doctor to get in earlier.

How do I feel about all of this? I feel a calmness and trust that this is the right way to go. I appreciate the fact that both the doctors want to make sure they have covered all bases before they put Maggie through a traumatic surgery. I am grateful for an immunologist who is competent, is in invested in my children and honest in his assessment. I trust him and believe that he is doing all he can to find a resolution to help Mags feel better. I know that God put him in our life and I see Dr. T as one of those angels who help us out. I know he is a hero to Maggie. Today after we left him she told me, "Mommy Dr. T is amazing" Now that is a ringing endorsement! It sucks to see her struggle and feel sick for another 4 weeks. I wish I had a magic wand to make it all better. But I don't and I don't think anyone does. I am not sure even surgery will make that happen.

I have to hand this one over to God and have faith. The faith that He will lead us in the right direction to help Maggie. The faith that He will put those special people in our lives like Dr. T. The faith that in the hard moments, He will hold us in His hands. His presence gives me the strength and wisdom to know that the people I have chosen to lead Maggie's medical team are doing the best they can. All I need to do is to follow doctor's orders, love my baby girl and keep the prayers coming.