The Message

Maggie's appointment/x-ray showed that she has a blockage of poop. That is why she is peeing all the time. The doctor prescribed Miralax and we need to watch and make sure she is improving. This has been going on since the 1st of the year so she probably has been blocked since then. We had made the decision, after checking for UTI's, that all the peeing was from anxiety. I have tried every method I could think of to deal with the anxiety and minimize the peeing. To be honest, all her other symptoms of anxiety have decreased or disappeared except this one. And this week it got so much worse.

So now we know it was not anxiety but the blockage. And I feel like the worst mother of the year. How did I miss it? Was there a sign or a symptom that I completely overlooked? Had I burned out and so I just ignored something? Has she been uncomfortable? Could I have fixed it earlier? I felt like crap! The whole week brought me to a point where I couldn't even say I felt stressed. I just felt burnout. I needed a break or a moment where there was no medical concern and no one needed me for anything.

As I was beating myself up and felt like I was about to burst into tears a friend called me. I shared a bit of what was happening with the kids and she listened patiently. She empathized and offered her prayers. Then she said the one thing that made me stop and realize that maybe, just maybe I wasn't such a waste of a mom. My friend commented that even with all of this going on Maggie was such a happy child. She told me that when she sees Maggie every week, her observations is how much warmth and love Maggie has. My friend shared how lucky I am to have a little girl with such a zest for life and a love for God.

What an eye opener!!! Another person reminded me of all the wonderful things about my girl. She reminded of all those qualities that amaze me on a daily basis. Most importantly I realized that even though I am not perfect, I love my kids. More importantly, the things she noticed about Maggie are all the things that I hope people see when they look at my children. Maggie is learning all those things that I feel are important. She is exactly who I want her to be and embodies all that I hope and dream for her.

So I am again reminded that I need to get out of the pigpen and get back my "attitude of gratitude" I have 2 beautiful and amazing kids. I have no need to beat myself up for not meeting "my expectations". I am reminded of the Bruno Mars song - My kids are amazing just the way they are! And of course I go back to the 80's and remember the old song for me - Don't Worry, Be Happy!