It has been a busy weekend full of changes and decisions. On Friday my sister came into town from Michigan. She stayed at my Mom's. This gave us insight into what is truly going in with my Mom. My Mom is a smart, stubborn and pretty crafty woman. I had a feeling she was doing some shady maneuvering the past couple of months. With all the illness going on here and not a lot of free time, I let some of it go. I honestly thought she might be ditching me due to not dealing well with people who are sick and any of the emotional that comes with it. That is a true method of operation for my Mom throughout my life.
My theory may have played a small part in what was happening but there was a much bigger story. My mother has been struggling to do the basics and take care of herself. My sister found food moldy in a pan on the stove, bills unpaid and a filthy bathroom. Like I said, my mother is pretty crafty and somehow managed to keep those of us in town at bay. I had no idea that things were as bad as they were. I had a gut instinct something was up and voiced that to my other sister who lives in town. She got the stonewall from my Mom and had her own concerns. That led to a visit from someone for out of town. We figured it would be much harder to hide things when someone is staying with you. We were right.
The verifying of our instincts and the realization of the problem led to a lot of conversations. Decisions had to be made and jobs had to be handed out. I have more time and no money while others have no time and money. The results is I got a lot of the jobs. I am in charge of managing the electronic bill paying and money, basic chores like grocery shopping and leading the way on all her medical. My plate just got a lot fuller. And my mom is not happy about handing over the reins.
I can empathize with the feelings of not wanting to give up independence and the sadness of growing old. It makes me sad to get to this point with her. My mom, for all her faults, was always a very strong, stubborn and independent person. It is hard to watch her struggle and realize that she needs hand over parts of her life to us. It will be a frustrating and difficult task to get her to cooperate. I will say a lot of prayers for patience and strength. In the end, for good or bad, it was time for this transition.
I was asked by my friend Rose how I feel about all of this. How will I deal with more on my plate? I have a lot of things going right now and how will I manage one more area that needs some big attention at the moment. My answer without a pause or breath - God. There is a reason He has put all of these things/concerns in my life. I may never know what that reason is but I have faith they will make me a stronger and better person. Sometimes in my life I have felt like an issue is a cross to bear. Only later do I look back and see all the miracles/blessings it brought into my life. I will gather my strength from God and do the best I can do. I know I have to take moments to take care of me and I know in those moments God will give me the grace I need to continue. Life may have its hard moments and I may be processing a lot of emotion in those moments but God is always present. I feel a peace in my heart and soul that all is okay. I am doing all I can and being present for those He needs me to be there for. He will carry me through.
Tomorrow I take my Mom for ct scan of her head. I have taken over her medical care. We will follow with grocery shopping and if need be dinner. I had other plans in my head for my empty calendar date but God's plan is more important. I owe it, out of love and respect, to do all I can for my mom. And I want to be a role model to my children on how we treat people with care and love. In the end, I want to follow God's will for me the best that I can.
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