Lazy Days

So last night I ended my day with a good cry in the tub and some relaxing and quieting mediation. As I drifted off to sleep I felt a peacefulness come over me. I knew, with all confidence, that God was with me. I do not need to worry about my family or what is to come but whatever it is God will guide me and hold us close.

This morning I was woken up at 8 am by a little voice asking if she could snuggle up and watch a Little Einstein. Maggie cuddled up and I snoozed a bit more. By 8:30 I heard Ricky start chattering away in his crib. Finally I got everyone up and we started our day. I got a wonderful surprise as Rick took the kids to the playroom. I got a few minutes to do a couple things and take a nice long shower. It was an appreciated break.

Rick left for a few appointments. The kids and I continued to play in the playroom. I sat and watched them play. They ran, danced and laughed. Maggie grabbed Ricky for a hug and he squirmed away. Both kids came over to touch base with me, giving me lots of hugs and kisses. I felt such gratitude for my life. I have a husband who loves me, good and bad. We have 2 kids who are amazing.

Once upon a time, approximately 10 years ago, I thought I would be alone forever. I would never find a partner who would love me completely and be my best friend. The children I so longed for would just be a faint dream lost to the consequences of choices. Then I met Rick and was lucky enough to marry him. I ached for a baby (esp. a baby girl). It seemed like a lifetime but soon enough I held my precious Maggie in my arms. She was my miracle and my soul.

Life was perfect and I was afraid to ask for anything more. I decided Rick and Maggie were all I needed. Boy was I wrong! I learned an important lesson in life - God has a better idea of what I need in my life then I ever will. How did I learn that lesson? His name is Ricky. I had made the decision Maggie was to be an only child and about a week later the pregnancy test was positive. Ricky is the best surprise I ever got. I tell him daily that I didn't realize how much I needed him until he was here. His laughter and smile warm our lives daily. Maggie adores him and tells me frequently that "when she was a little baby she prayed to Jesus for a Ricky". Ricky brings out this awesome side of Rick. I think my husband looks forward to sharing all that good "boy" stuff like cars, engines and trains with his son. I watch Rick ruffle Ricky's hair as he leaves or the look of pride when Ricks plays cars and does a good "vrrroooommm". My heart just fills with love.

Now for me, Ricky has changed me in so many ways. He is my heart and my laughter. I feel I am a better person since he has been born. I have learned to be more flexible and less focused on "what" I should do. I spoil him like crazy and love him up every chance I get. Yes he is my baby and a momma's boy. I know that I need to learn to let him go but while he is with me I am going to take advantage of every moment.

So here I am with this amazing family. We have our obstacles and our hurdles. There are bad days and hard moments. I struggle with things esp my own defects. Then I take a look around and realize that for whatever reason, God has blessed me with this life. I have a chance to enjoy every minute and soak it up. I am truly thankful and speechless.