Asthma

I have a memory from last spring that is as vivid in my mind as if it happened yesterday. I am driving to Whole Foods with Maggie. She has been coughing since the night before but I have done all her asthma medications. We have an appointment with her allergist in the afternoon and I don't want to leave her so I drag her to the grocery store. We are almost there when she starts a horrid coughing jag. It sounds as if she cannot get any air and so I turn around to take a look at her. Suddenly fear takes over my body. My baby's lips are blue and she has a look of shear panic in her eyes. Maggie was coughing and gasping for breath at the same time.

Here I am driving and feeling completely powerless to help my child. I called her doctor as I was driving. They advised to take her directly to the ER and do not stop at go. So I headed to the nearest ER. I parked and grabbed her out of the car as fast as I could. By now, she wasn't coughing anymore. Maggie was just gasping for air and trying to cry out "Mommy". I ran into the ER and the staff grabbed her away to start treating her immediately. We gave her oxygen and a breathing treatment. In the end she survived but the fear lives in my soul of those moments.

I ended up taking Maggie to her doctor that afternoon. We found out she had a collapsed lung and he started the ball rolling on all of her immune blood work. From that day, the asthma part of the kids medical concerns scares the hell out of me. I live in fear that in a quick moment, one of them will suddenly lose that ability which is so essential to life - breathing.

This memory is why I am fearful tonight. Maggie is not only experiencing an asthma flare up but she is wheezing. My kids have cough variant asthma which means on a normal basis they don't wheeze. So the wheezing is not good news and a bit worrisome. The last time she wheezed her lung collapsed and we spent weeks stabilizing her breathing.

The silver linings are: we now know all the facts, I am more experienced in dealing with the situation, we have a great medical team and God is with us. I will follow the doctor's directions, make sure she has all the needed medicine at the right time and nag her to slow down. I will also say lots of prayers, curl up with her at bedtime and probably watch her every move. Most important I will work at staying in the moment and not the fear of the past. It feels near impossible tonight but hopefully I will be better at it in the morning!