Choices

Today Maggie visited Dr. T to solve our asthma dilemma. Her lungs have been bothering her and she has had a little trouble breathing. We have been dealing with this for over a week. It hasn't been emergency/crisis type situation but she certainly has struggled a bit. We went to the pediatrician and he heard a wheeze (worrisome for a child who doesn't wheeze with her asthma). This stressed me out but we managed. I utilized the knowledge and tools I knew to keep it under control until we could get in to Dr. T. Our pediatrician also mentioned that Maggie might be "making it up" so not to have to do quiet time or get some extra attention. I disagreed.

After an exam and a breathing test, Dr. T told us that Maggie's lungs were inflamed. She had a virus that caused the inflammation and the medicine she was taking it was not knocking it out. So he changed her medicine and put her on Symbicort. Ricky was destroying the exam room and both kids were ready for lunch so I took the sample and off we went. I got home and happened to see a commercial for Symbicort and read the leaflet about the medicine. It scared the crap out of me. This medicine is supposedly not prescribed for children under 12 and it can cause all kinds of craziness.

I have spent all night researching this drug, getting other people's experiences and trying to educate myself on the ins and outs of the drug. I am trying to remember that we trust Dr. T and he would never give her something he did not think was needed. This is the life of a chronically ill child. To treat a condition, she needs to take medication with all kinds of crazy side effects. How can I be okay with that as her Mom?

I am not okay with that fact. I HATE that fact! I want to scream at the top of my lungs about how unfair it all is. I want to beat the hell out of my pillow. I want to cry and hold her as tight as I can without suffocating her. But I am her Mom and it is my job to help her feel that this is not big deal. It is just a part of life and a small part at that.

I am her advocate and I will call the doctor tomorrow. I will question b/c that is also my job. I will ask why Dr. T chose this medicine and if there is a safer option. I will continue to question all medical decisions until I feel comfortable that all stones have been overturned. This is not my car, this is one of my most precious blessings.