Maggie has a virus. It started last night with a high fever and throwing up. At 11 this morning when the thermometer read over 105 I figured I better call the doctor. I called the pediatrician thinking he would tell me just to watch her and keep the fluids going. I was surprised when Dr. Borus told me he thought she should be checked out. It made sense after all we had been through the last 3 months and her immune deficiency. We should make sure that my instinct on the virus was right and not miss something bigger.
Dr. Borus felt Maggie should see Dr. T because of the sinus history just in case. He told me that if Dr. T couldn't see her, I should call back and bring her in to him right away. I had to wait until 1:30 for Dr. T's office to return from lunch but luckily the fever had gone down with ibuprofen. Once I talked to the receptionist she checked with T. He had us in by 2 and home by 2:45. He checked her out and concluded my gut was right - it is a virus.
Now we just treat the fever, keep her hydrated and watch her. I am praying the virus does not prompt a secondary infection or worsen the much-improved inflammation in her head. Dr. T said to expect this to last over the weekend and Ricks could get it next. So we may spend the next week battling this virus but I am going to try to stay positive. Hopefully, by Sunday the fever has broken and we are all healthy.
The title of this entry is much thanks. That is because I am so thankful and grateful to both doctors for their care and attentiveness to Maggie. She is blessed to have to doctors who are so invested in her care and health. I can't say enough how much it means to me that I have 2 people I can trust and communicate with on her medical team. In all honesty, it is calming to know I have someone as smart, competent and thorough as Dr. T to lead her team. He not only is extremely competent but he has connected with her in such a special way. God has certainly put a couple of special angels to walk with us on this journey.
Friday, July 29, 2011
Thursday, July 28, 2011
None of My Business
I have been told that what people think of me is none of my business. I agree with that but it is sometimes hard to internalize. I can let my fears and insecurities get the best of me. Then I start to question my choices and where I am at. It is a hard to battle the demons of worrying about who thinks what of me.
I have had a couple of experiences lately where I have felt judged or looked down upon because I choose to stay home with my kids. My belief that God has guided me here to be the Maggie's and Ricky's Mom is not one that a lot of people agree with. I suppose my faith has guided my feelings but I truly believe that this is what I am meant to be doing. I am right where God wants me to be.
With all of that said, I do believe I have to take care of myself. I need to eat healthy, sleep, keep my priorities in order, exercise, etc. At the same time, I know the sacrifices (if you want to call them that) I make for my family are blessings and not crosses to bear. I don't feel resentful or angry or even overwhelmed. I may have moments but they pass and God refills my fuel tank.
So in those moments when I feel judged for staying home and focusing on my children, I just take a breath. I remember all the wonderful things about being with them. I say a prayer. I know that I am fulfilling my calling from God at this moment. I have faith that I am doing His will and He has my back. It still stings a bit but the truth is it is none of my business.
I have had a couple of experiences lately where I have felt judged or looked down upon because I choose to stay home with my kids. My belief that God has guided me here to be the Maggie's and Ricky's Mom is not one that a lot of people agree with. I suppose my faith has guided my feelings but I truly believe that this is what I am meant to be doing. I am right where God wants me to be.
With all of that said, I do believe I have to take care of myself. I need to eat healthy, sleep, keep my priorities in order, exercise, etc. At the same time, I know the sacrifices (if you want to call them that) I make for my family are blessings and not crosses to bear. I don't feel resentful or angry or even overwhelmed. I may have moments but they pass and God refills my fuel tank.
So in those moments when I feel judged for staying home and focusing on my children, I just take a breath. I remember all the wonderful things about being with them. I say a prayer. I know that I am fulfilling my calling from God at this moment. I have faith that I am doing His will and He has my back. It still stings a bit but the truth is it is none of my business.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Just a Scream
So I need to just scream this somewhere and here seemed to be appropo. I LOVE MY LIFE! I am so grateful for the blessings that continue to fill my life. No matter what the situation, I have a great husband who I love with my whole heart and soul. I am thankful that he feels the same in his own unique Rick way. It is amazing to me that somehow in this crazy world, God found someone who is perfect for me even with his imperfections. We just make sense and that includes those moments when I wasn't sure what the future held.
I am so amazed by these 2 angels God has loaned me. Maggie and Ricky are gifts that God has put in my life. My goal is to love and support them on their journey. God has a calling for them both and I get the chance to watch them grow into the wonderful people they will become. And if they fall along their way or take a detour, I hope I am there to provide unconditional love and guidance back on to the right track.
I am grateful for all the people and opportunities God has placed in my life. Life is about change and growth. God has loved me, guided me and sometimes carried me through each moment. Now I am here, at this time and place. Today I have been able to be present for my husband, children, Mom and friends. My heart and life is full of so much gratitude and happiness. I had to scream it out and this blog is a fitting spot.
My final shout out - Thank You God for Your grace, blessings, miracles and unconditional love. From You I take my strength, peace and joy. May I never turn from Your love and cherish each blessing.
I am so amazed by these 2 angels God has loaned me. Maggie and Ricky are gifts that God has put in my life. My goal is to love and support them on their journey. God has a calling for them both and I get the chance to watch them grow into the wonderful people they will become. And if they fall along their way or take a detour, I hope I am there to provide unconditional love and guidance back on to the right track.
I am grateful for all the people and opportunities God has placed in my life. Life is about change and growth. God has loved me, guided me and sometimes carried me through each moment. Now I am here, at this time and place. Today I have been able to be present for my husband, children, Mom and friends. My heart and life is full of so much gratitude and happiness. I had to scream it out and this blog is a fitting spot.
My final shout out - Thank You God for Your grace, blessings, miracles and unconditional love. From You I take my strength, peace and joy. May I never turn from Your love and cherish each blessing.
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
A Dime
I have heard that saying "Things can change on a dime" so many times in my life. I suppose that is true. For me it is more like, my perspective can change. I have found in life that it is usually never the situation that changes but the way I perceive it. If I come from a place of love and unselfishness. If I don't center on what I need or am getting out of it. If I can think of others and do the next right thing then things are more manageable. I am not overrun by anxiety, fear, anger or sadness. I can be loving, kind, empathetic, reasonable and honest.
This outlook comes with growing up and maturity. It definitely is a benefit of living a life guided by God. Things in life happen and most of the time they are not about me. I look at right now and see a lot of situations that need my attention. None of these are centered on or about me. It is my job to be present, loving and kind with all the people who they are about.
God has blessed me with the grace to be able to love and support four of the most important people in my life (my husband, children and mother). I have struggled with and processed my own feelings on each one. In the end, I have come to the realization that it is a gift to be able to love them through each step of their journey. I just read a friend's blog and it said it perfectly. She wrote about J.O.Y - Jesus first, others second and you last (I think I paraphrased it correctly). I will continue to follow this mantra and have faith and acceptance that all is as it should be.
This outlook comes with growing up and maturity. It definitely is a benefit of living a life guided by God. Things in life happen and most of the time they are not about me. I look at right now and see a lot of situations that need my attention. None of these are centered on or about me. It is my job to be present, loving and kind with all the people who they are about.
God has blessed me with the grace to be able to love and support four of the most important people in my life (my husband, children and mother). I have struggled with and processed my own feelings on each one. In the end, I have come to the realization that it is a gift to be able to love them through each step of their journey. I just read a friend's blog and it said it perfectly. She wrote about J.O.Y - Jesus first, others second and you last (I think I paraphrased it correctly). I will continue to follow this mantra and have faith and acceptance that all is as it should be.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Changes
Lately I have felt like I am going through some kind of metamorphosis. I believe it started within the last year and has slowly began to ebb into all areas in my life. I really have felt it with this last bout of medical stuff with Maggie. The fear was there but the anxiety was missing. That in itself is a miracle! It seems the anxiety was replaced by a faith strong and constant. I felt the presence of God and was able to let go and trust.
Recently, a lot has happened in my life. Some might say my plate is full. I have the normal stresses of life with 2 small children, working on my marriage, all the kids' medical concerns and my Mom's medical concerns. I am trying to balance all this and continue to take care of my own needs and nurture my faith. In the past this all might be crippling. At this moment, it all feels manageable and a task I am completely up for.
I have work to do to dial down the emotion and utilize more thinking. And there are certainly more areas that I need to improve on in my life. I am far from perfect. But I feel serenity and calmness today. I am confident I can handle all that is in my life. There is a strength inside me that helps me to put one foot in front of the other. For the first time in forever, I feel comfortable in my skin and truly have found an appreciation and love for who I am (warts and all).
This newfound strength and confidence is in direct result of the grace of God. He is intervened in my life and put amazing people to help me get to this place. My serenity is a blessing from Him and my strength is a miracle. There have been some tough and ugly moments in the past couple of months. In those moments, I have handed my fears and problems to God. I have done the footwork and left the results to God. Today I sat quietly watching the kids climb and cuddle with Rick as they all shared popsicles. I realized that through all that I am happy and extremely blessed. My life may not be perfect but it is perfectly unperfect. I love every person (okay most people), every part and every moment.
In the future, I will hit speed bumps, obstacles and challenges. I used to live in fear of those moments or who I would be at those moments. Today I look forward to those moments and the growth they bring with them. I want to continue to learn and change. I know God will be with me and help me navigate my way through. I just have to follow His will and listen to His guidance. It always works out as it needs to be. And I must always stay grateful for the miracles and blessings He has given me. Life is awesome and I want to praise God for all He has blessed me with!
Recently, a lot has happened in my life. Some might say my plate is full. I have the normal stresses of life with 2 small children, working on my marriage, all the kids' medical concerns and my Mom's medical concerns. I am trying to balance all this and continue to take care of my own needs and nurture my faith. In the past this all might be crippling. At this moment, it all feels manageable and a task I am completely up for.
I have work to do to dial down the emotion and utilize more thinking. And there are certainly more areas that I need to improve on in my life. I am far from perfect. But I feel serenity and calmness today. I am confident I can handle all that is in my life. There is a strength inside me that helps me to put one foot in front of the other. For the first time in forever, I feel comfortable in my skin and truly have found an appreciation and love for who I am (warts and all).
This newfound strength and confidence is in direct result of the grace of God. He is intervened in my life and put amazing people to help me get to this place. My serenity is a blessing from Him and my strength is a miracle. There have been some tough and ugly moments in the past couple of months. In those moments, I have handed my fears and problems to God. I have done the footwork and left the results to God. Today I sat quietly watching the kids climb and cuddle with Rick as they all shared popsicles. I realized that through all that I am happy and extremely blessed. My life may not be perfect but it is perfectly unperfect. I love every person (okay most people), every part and every moment.
In the future, I will hit speed bumps, obstacles and challenges. I used to live in fear of those moments or who I would be at those moments. Today I look forward to those moments and the growth they bring with them. I want to continue to learn and change. I know God will be with me and help me navigate my way through. I just have to follow His will and listen to His guidance. It always works out as it needs to be. And I must always stay grateful for the miracles and blessings He has given me. Life is awesome and I want to praise God for all He has blessed me with!
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Sibs
Once upon a time, a long time ago, I had planned on just one baby girl to finish off our family. I had my baby girl and that was all I needed. Maggie was it! I made plans and had dreams of all the things we were going to do. I didn't need anyone else but her to "complete" this family picture. Maggie was the center of our world and universe.
When Maggie was 16 months old, the pregnancy test showed the plus sign. A baby brother or sister was on the way. Maggie had no idea and no stress on the issue. I was a wreck. My plans had changed. What was I going to do? How could I manage two? Then we found out the baby was a boy. A boy! A positive because I felt Maggie might transition better to a boy. Negative because I had box after box of pink. We were blessed enough to have friends give us lots of hand me downs. I still stressed about how my baby girl was going to feel with all this change.
Jump ahead two years and I look back laughing at all the "plans" I had. God knew so much better what this family and I needed. Ricks is such a blessing to this family. He was the final piece of the puzzle to complete this crazy crew. When he looks at me with those beautiful eyes and that amazing smile, I know I am just completely in love. He is a Momma's Boy in every way and I love it. No one has ever looked at me like my son has. There is such unconditional love and acceptance in his eyes. Oh and not to mention the twinkle that shines so bright!
Ricks has made our family better and me a better Mom. Most importantly, he has made Maggie a better person. He loves her and follows her everywhere. She is one of his favorite people (next to Mommy and Bear). They fight like any siblings but they also love each other intensely. Maggie is extremely protective of him. And she is so sweet and nurturing when she bosses him around. Ricks gets so excited to play with her and finds her hilarious. I watch them play and bicker and it makes me envious that I never had a sibling so close in age.
Today I watched them belly laughing in the pool. Ricky was copying Maggie as she pretended to be a frog. They would jump and fall into the water. Each time they fell they would break out laughing in unison. In that moment I was so grateful that God followed His plan. He sent this angel down to us to brighten up our lives. He sent Ricks down to make Maggie less "the center of the universe" and more "the big sister". And he sent Ricks down to remind me that His plans always hold better miracles than mine.
Maggie told me she met Ricks in heaven and wanted him to be her brother. She explained that when she was born she started praying to God to send him to our family. She asked God just for Ricks to be her little brother. I have to tell you, I am glad Maggie had that conversation with God. And I am so thankful that God listened because my Little Man is one of the most amazing and magnificent surprises I have ever received in my life. Thanks again God for my angel boy : )
When Maggie was 16 months old, the pregnancy test showed the plus sign. A baby brother or sister was on the way. Maggie had no idea and no stress on the issue. I was a wreck. My plans had changed. What was I going to do? How could I manage two? Then we found out the baby was a boy. A boy! A positive because I felt Maggie might transition better to a boy. Negative because I had box after box of pink. We were blessed enough to have friends give us lots of hand me downs. I still stressed about how my baby girl was going to feel with all this change.
Jump ahead two years and I look back laughing at all the "plans" I had. God knew so much better what this family and I needed. Ricks is such a blessing to this family. He was the final piece of the puzzle to complete this crazy crew. When he looks at me with those beautiful eyes and that amazing smile, I know I am just completely in love. He is a Momma's Boy in every way and I love it. No one has ever looked at me like my son has. There is such unconditional love and acceptance in his eyes. Oh and not to mention the twinkle that shines so bright!
Ricks has made our family better and me a better Mom. Most importantly, he has made Maggie a better person. He loves her and follows her everywhere. She is one of his favorite people (next to Mommy and Bear). They fight like any siblings but they also love each other intensely. Maggie is extremely protective of him. And she is so sweet and nurturing when she bosses him around. Ricks gets so excited to play with her and finds her hilarious. I watch them play and bicker and it makes me envious that I never had a sibling so close in age.
Today I watched them belly laughing in the pool. Ricky was copying Maggie as she pretended to be a frog. They would jump and fall into the water. Each time they fell they would break out laughing in unison. In that moment I was so grateful that God followed His plan. He sent this angel down to us to brighten up our lives. He sent Ricks down to make Maggie less "the center of the universe" and more "the big sister". And he sent Ricks down to remind me that His plans always hold better miracles than mine.
Maggie told me she met Ricks in heaven and wanted him to be her brother. She explained that when she was born she started praying to God to send him to our family. She asked God just for Ricks to be her little brother. I have to tell you, I am glad Maggie had that conversation with God. And I am so thankful that God listened because my Little Man is one of the most amazing and magnificent surprises I have ever received in my life. Thanks again God for my angel boy : )
Thursday, July 21, 2011
A Gift and a Blessing
I have learned in life that I chose how I view the things that happen in my life. It is all about the perspective. When something happens I can take the negative view and wallow in pity, anger or resentment. Or I can look at it and find the positive. I can see the miracles and blessings. I try to be on the positive side. Even with the worst scenario, I can usually find on silver lining.
The past week has been a bit crazy and I felt a bit overloaded at times. The situation with my Mom is what it is. Life is happening as it does and I can complain and be cranky or..... I would much rather spend my time filled with peace and be happy. So I chose to frame the changes as gifts. It is a gift that Maggie gets to spend more time with her Grandma. It is a gift that I get to take my Mom to the doctor and pay back for all the times she took me. It is a gift to have her for dinner and enjoy her company.
So when I get frustrated with her or my siblings. When I feel crunched for time or overdone and tired. When I have had enough of the drama that may come with 8 siblings and a mother in need. I will remember that this situation and all that comes with it is a gift from God. I just need to do the footwork and let God handle the results. My Mother, as frustrating and complicated as our relationship can be, is a blessing. I am thankful for the chance to be grateful and present in whatever she needs.
The past week has been a bit crazy and I felt a bit overloaded at times. The situation with my Mom is what it is. Life is happening as it does and I can complain and be cranky or..... I would much rather spend my time filled with peace and be happy. So I chose to frame the changes as gifts. It is a gift that Maggie gets to spend more time with her Grandma. It is a gift that I get to take my Mom to the doctor and pay back for all the times she took me. It is a gift to have her for dinner and enjoy her company.
So when I get frustrated with her or my siblings. When I feel crunched for time or overdone and tired. When I have had enough of the drama that may come with 8 siblings and a mother in need. I will remember that this situation and all that comes with it is a gift from God. I just need to do the footwork and let God handle the results. My Mother, as frustrating and complicated as our relationship can be, is a blessing. I am thankful for the chance to be grateful and present in whatever she needs.
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