Our fall schedule has started and it feels like life is changing around here quite a bit. Maggie starts school 5 mornings a week. It is a great and exciting thing for her and I know she will excel and love it. I am a bit nostalgic and sad that my baby girl is at the point we she will be away from me for 5 mornings. I realize it is only the beginning and next year it will be a full 5 days on her own.
Rick is taking his fall lineup of classes and working on his resume. He is currently working with CSU's career services for internships or possibly a job. This could happen tomorrow, next month or in January. There is no set time for him to make the transition back into the workplace. I am excited for him and proud of all his work and struggles.
Ricks is growing so much and becoming much more of a big boy then a baby. I watch him play everyday and listen to his speech develop. Gone is that tiny toddler who babbled. Now I have a strong and beautiful little boy who can recite a Dora episode in a minute.
I am starting a journey I never thought about. It is the journeying of rediscovering who I am. I LOVE being a Mom but lately I have loved changing hats and exploring other roles in my life (wife, friend, daughter, student, church member..) I have realized that my kids still need me (they are only 4 & 2) but I also have a bit more time to develop my interests and passions.
I am blessed because I have a faith that holds me through the good times and bad. God is an ever present in my heart, soul and mind. He has loved me, guided me and held me up. I try to do His will, see through His eyes and love with Christ's heart. Of course I stumble but I get up and try again.
Through this faith and with the past 10 years or so of a journey of self-discovery I feel I have found me. I finally feel as if I am feeling comfortable in my skin and with who I am. I am not ashamed of how I feel or what I think. I care less about what others think of me and just try to do the next right thing. It is amazing that now I have stopped feeling anxious, worried about others' opinions and trying to please the world - I have found a peace and have so much extra time and energy!
I love my life and as I have said many times, am extremely blessed. I used to want to be thinner, more liked by EVERYONE, included, loved, richer, etc, etc...... Now I "want" for nothing. My life is imperfectly perfect. My husband loves me and despite our issues, our marriage seems to have come out stronger. My kids are extraordinary (at least to me). My family and I have differences but I have been able to love them for who they are and not what I want them to be. I have friends from all parts of my life and each one is a gift. I am a part of my faith community and Maggie's school community. Basically, I am an active member in my life and not just someone watching from the sidelines.
My life is not only filled with blessings but it is a miracle. Ten years ago I never thought I would have a life like I do. My expectations were way below the wonderful place I find myself. God has reached down and kissed me on the forehead many times over. As I go through my day, I stop many times and look at all the blessings and miracles. I try to stop and breath it all in. I thank God for all He has placed in my life and for making me the way He did. I am not perfect but He made me just who I am for a reason. I hope to follow his directions and do His will even with my imperfections : )
No comments:
Post a Comment