Dinner time last night brought a tiny bit of drama by Ricks. For some reason he had been rubbing at his eye a bit. All of the sudden he seemed to start crying and clinging to me. We tried to look at his eye and rinse it to the best of our abilities. The decision was made he just probably got something in there. At bath time, we took extra care to rinse the eye out a bit. He still was fussing. I began to wonder if maybe he had pink eye. The eye was itchy, red and watery so it could be. I figured I would check him tomorrow and if need be take him to the doctor.
My eyes began to itch and Maggie followed soon after. I was pretty convinced we had a bad case of pink eye that we had shared. Off to the doctor we would go in the morning. A nasty virus but not to worrisome or hard to take care of.
At 1 in the morning, Ricks screamed out. He was vigorously rubbing his eye and was inconsolable. Great, he is going to up all night because his eye itches from pink eye. YEAH! We checked the eye. Yep still red and watery and starting to look a bit puffy. We tried compresses but Ricks would not let us touch it. Then I noticed something else going on. He was sticking his tongue out like a little lizard. And he was gulping like he couldn't swallow comfortably. These are things he did in Dr. T's office during the egg challenge. I looked closer and his lips were a bit swollen.
This is when I started to freak a little bit. Ricks breathing still seemed okay. It was consistent and he wasn't gasping for air. But he definitely was having a reaction. The first thing was to get him Benadryl. We got him to take the medicine and within 10 minutes everything normalized. The second thing was to monitor him for awhile. Okay so I held him all night and didn't sleep as I watched him breath. I laid on the couch with him cuddled up into me. I watched each breath go in and out trying to ease the anxiety. I talked to God all night about how blessed I am to have this beautiful boy. I asked Him to keep him safe and I shared all my fears. I explained to God how I struggle letting go of Ricks because of my fears with the egg allergy. I asked for strength to let him grow and go be who God is calling him to be.
I also racked my brain about why he reacted. What had egg? Was there something new? Did I do all the right things? In the morning he was fine and as active as ever. I took a breath and said a thank you to God for watching over him. At the doctor I explained what happened. He agreed that it was a reaction to something. Was it connected to the thing, something environmental or another food allergy? That we have no idea. Dr. T is out of town and so we will wait until he gets back to look further into it.
This is the reality of allergies and the immune system to me. A reaction happened and I can't truly pinpoint it. I hope we can figure it out but it may take another reaction until we get there. It scares me that something can happen and cause Ricks to react like last night. And I have no idea what it was. I realize that this is where my faith comes in and today I am trying to hang on to that. I keep praying for God's help to release the fear and remember He has got us. But that one tiny voice that screams quietly keeps whispering in my ear - "just one tiny slip and this kid could have a serious reaction. What if no one notices his signs and he begins to stop breathing? What if one tiny mistake truly brings on a tragic consequence?" With these thoughts I try to stop, breath and remind myself of how much God loves and carries us. I remind myself over and over again about just letting go and believing. So today was a struggle but I have faith that tomorrow will be better.
*BTW - it wasn't pink eye. It was just some crazy allergic reaction to something outside.
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