Full

There used to be a hole inside my heart. It was dark, deep, fearful and painful. I tried to fill it with many things for many years. Everything I worked at shoving in there just slipped through and left me with the feelings of anger, emptiness, fear and pain. It festered and followed me for years. It bred anxiety, fear, hate, jealousy/envy and anger. I hated it yet couldn't seem to get rid of it.

Today my heart is full. It is full of God, faith, love and laughter. I was blessed with many miracles and God's grace. Both have offered me the chance to grow and change. I have stumbled and struggled. My mistakes have been many but my blessing have been overflowing. That empty hole is now so full it brings tears to my eyes when I think of all that is in my life. The lesson I learned is the only thing that will fill that space is God. God was always a presence but when I opened my heart the darkness disappeared.

I still have moments of fear, doubt, anger and even envy. I am only human. But the emotion passes and I am reminded of the miracles and blessings. Today I watched Rick as he was playing with Ricks. I watched as he fixed the garage. I realized that God has blessed me again with the gift of falling in love with my husband on a daily basis. We have our moments and it isn't perfect but lately, every time I look at Rick, my heart melts as it did those early days when we met.

I am the most blessed mother of 2 amazing children. These 2 angels that God has loaned out to me are the sun and moon of my life. I get to watch them grow and bloom. I have the opportunity to be there for my Mom as she ages. It is sometimes frustrating but always rewarding. I can be present when needed. Lately, I have been able to develop some new friendships and enjoy the old.

Life is amazing and great. It is full and rewarding. God's will has always been better than mine. And for that I am grateful. Mostly, I am thankful that He has filled the hole that was slowly sucking the life out of me. He has filled it with light, life and love. I just hope to share those gifts with the people in my life. May God bless us daily with His love and grace.