Today has been a tough day for me. My emotions have run high and intense. I am not even sure why I have been off. It started Monday afternoon and has seemed to throw me off balance. I had a pretty intense conversation with Rose on Monday and really dug into some areas of life. I started to sort through all the changes and transitions I feel are happening in my life and in me.
I think that conversations probably started the snowball and it has just continued. This morning I felt extremely sensitive and volatile. The tears were close to the surface about anything and everything. The truth is I can't put my finger on any specific problem or concern. My life is full and sometimes my plate can be crowded. There are some areas where I am working to grow and change. The stress level can be high. But I don't feel anxious necessarily. I feel vulnerable and maybe a bit scared at the changes that seem to be happening. As I start to realize more of who I am and who I want to be, I get scared that I don't quite fit in the places I used to. If I am different how will others accept me? Or will they?
This is all normal or at least I have told myself it is. I am trying to just go with the flow. I am praying and talking to God everyday. It is His will I want to do and His eyes I want to see the world through. I feel like this week I have stumbled. The work has been hard and I have struggled. In the end I know it will turn out as it is meant to be. God will guide the way and handle the results. I don't need to worry or fret because He has it handled. All I need to do is take a breath and hand it over.
**On the plus side, I have had the blessing of reconnecting with some pretty great women as I have been discovering more about me. And my husband, has been so supportive of the journey. Even in the moments where I struggle and question, God provides those silver linings, blessings and miracles.**
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