A Ha Moment

In the previous post I mentioned I have been struggling a bit this week. I just couldn't put my finger on what I was struggling with. I prayed and asked God to guide me. I asked Him to help me to see what I needed to work on our learn. Why was I feeling so emotional or off center?

It is amazing how God works! Tonight I had the honor of sitting with some friends and talking. One of the gentlemen was sharing about his journey of acceptance. He hit on two important points. Things are as they are. It is that simple. I don't have to stress, worry or fight because they just are. I can chose how to respond or react but I can't control or change them. I can only make changes in myself. I was clued in on this bit but still work on it just the same.

The big A-HA moment came when he began to speak on self-acceptance. I wanted to leap up in my ever so dramatic way and shout "That is it! That is what I have been struggling with all week!" A lightbulb popped on and the fog cleared. I have been struggling with accepting myself warts and all. It is exactly where my journey has taken me.

I am learning so much about myself and striving to be God-centered. In those lessons, I am also working on accepting who I am for the person I always felt it was not alright to be. That is so hard for me and I think why I have felt so emotional and a bit fearful. What if I accept me but no one else in my life does? Key point to this self-acceptance is that I have to learn not to care about what others think, feel or say about me. This some days feels like an impossible task, especially with those I care about the most.

I had a long and very enlightening conversation with this gentleman. I felt a weight had been somehow lifted off my shoulders just by identifying the struggle. God had amazingly put this gentleman in my path to answer my prayers. He was guiding me along to the answers I needed.

I have been really beating myself up about some mistakes I have made. I was spending A LOT of time and energy on some pretty intense regret. It was creating a huge sensitive spot which a couple of other people unintentionally knicked. I reacted and reacted loud and clear. This only compounded my guilt and regret. This messenger told me that I need to give myself permission to be human and make mistakes. When I start to beat myself up, I must stop and refocus. Truthfully, I had been doing well at this until a couple recent interactions caused a minor backtrack.

In this man's kind and wise words, I heard God speaking to me. He was answering my prayers and leading the way. There is still work to be done and it will probably be hard and messy. But again God has reminded me He is right there to lead the way and pick me up when I fall. I am always amazed at how many miracles happen in my life. And I am always grateful when they do!